Lisa Faulkner has opened up about a 'very dark time' in her life where she underwent three rounds of unsuccessful IVF and suffered anectopic pregnancy.
The actress, 52, was at the time wed to EastEndersactor Chris Coghill, 49, with whom she went on to adopt daughter Billie, now 18, before divorcing in 2014 after six-years of marriage.
She also lifted the lid on her first date with now husband and MasterChef judgeJohn Torode, 59, branding it a 'leap of faith' after 'failing' at her first marriage.
Lisa told Good Housekeeping:'Those years [battling infertility] were a very dark time. One minute I wasn't that bothered about kids, apart from my nieces, and then something happened overnight and I wanted a baby so badly'.
'All my peers were trying at the same time, so it was like we were swimming in the same pool, but they kept getting pregnant and climbing out until, eventually, I was still swimming in there alone. It was really lonely.
Lisa Faulkner, 52, has opened up about a 'very dark time' in her life where she underwent three rounds of unsuccessful IVF and suffered an ectopic pregnancy
The actresswas at the time wed to EastEnders actor Chris Coghill, 49, with whom she went on to adopt daughter Billie, now 18, before divorcing in 2014 (pictured as a family in 2009)
She continued: When people would tell me they were pregnant I'd try to be fine, but I'd go home and be full of shame, anger and sadness. When I had IVF, it was with an amazing doctor with whom nine out of 10 patients got pregnant – and I was the one in 10 who didn't. I thought, 'Why me?' It was exhausting.'
Lisa and Chris adopted Billie at 17-months which she described as a 'completely different ballgame' to conceiving a child.
Telling the publication: 'It's not easy, because you're dealing with a child with trauma. It's a trauma that will never, ever be healed, and my job is to be there to help make it better in every way I can'.
She added: I've had to do a lot of work on myself. It's an ongoing process; it doesn't stop.'
Lisa also spoke about her own trauma after losing her mother Julie at the age of just 16, revealing that the pain and grief 'never really goes away'.
'When it’s immediate, it’s like a sick feeling you can’t get away from; and then you wake up one day and it’s a bit easier. You realise you can laugh about something they did or hear their voice without crying'.
'And then, 20 years later, someone can ask you about it and you’ll feel this bubble rising up and you burst into tears. So it never really goes away'.
Recalling her first date with John, who she met on Celebrity MasterChef and wed in 2019, Lisa revealed they went for dinner where they got on brilliantly.
She also lifted the lid on her first date with now husband and MasterChef judge John Torode , 59, branding it a 'leap of faith' after 'failing' at her first marriage
She said: When people would tell me they were pregnant I'd try to be fine, but I'd go home and be full of shame, anger and sadness'
Actor Chris has appeared in EastEnders (pictured) Apple TV's Slow Horses, Line Of Duty and 24 Hour Party People
Lisa and Chris adopted Billie at 17-months which she described as a 'completely different ballgame' to conceiving a child (pictured 2011)
'We took things really slowly because of Billie, and also because I'd been through the end of a marriage – we had a child and I felt I'd failed in something I never wanted to fail at'.
'I never give up on anything, so when you do have to accept that something didn't work, starting a new relationship is a big leap of faith.'
The couple, who present their own ITV cooking showJohn & Lisa’s Weekend Kitchen, have now ventured into writing recipe book together.
'It’s taken a while to make it happen, but we’re thrilled with it. It has recipes from the latest series and favourites from other series, too. John is a brilliant chef and I’m a home cook, but we both just want to make food everyone can enjoy'.
'He’s never made me feel like I don’t know what I’m talking about. We’ve learned from each other – I’ll tell him tips or cheats that I have and he’ll say, ‘Actually, that’s good'.
Together they share five children: Lisa's adopted daughter Billie and John's kids, Jonah, 18, and Lulu, 16, from a former marriage and grown up sons Casper and Marselle, whom he shares with his first wife.
Last yearLisa opened up on the secret to her happy marriage with John,sayingtheir partnership works because they 'really like and fancy each other', before going on to gush over her husband's 'caring side'.
Recalling her first date with John, who she met on Celebrity MasterChef and wed in 2019, Lisa revealed they went for dinner where they got on brilliantly
She said:'We took things really slowly because of Billie, and also because I'd been through the end of a marriage – we had a child and I felt I'd failed in something I never wanted to fail at'
The couple, who present their own ITV cooking show John & Lisa’s Weekend Kitchen, (pictued) have now ventured into writing recipe book together
Meanwhile, Lisa gave a slight insight into being a step-parent amid their blended family, with the couple sharing five children between them.
As she spoke to The Mirror amid the return of her and John's Weekend Kitchen cooking show, Lisa was asked about what makes the perfect recipe for a great marriage.
Read the full interview in Good Housekeeping’s October issue on sale now
She remarked: 'We really like and fancy each other! What I love about being married is that it's about being a partnership. John and I are a good team. We know how to look after each other.'
The actress went on to praise her husband's caring nature, recalling the sweet thing he did to cheer her up on her birthday.
She said: 'I was feeling a bit grumpy about my upcoming birthday, so John made me dinner. Afterwards he bought me tea and chocolate, and when I went into the kitchen he had cleaned everything up, he lit candles, everything looked so beautiful, it's those little things, he is just so caring.'
However, while she loved that John cleaned up the kitchen, she did remark that his tidiness can sometimes be 'annoying' as she's quite untidy herself - especially when it comes to the state of their freezer.'
Opening up on being in a blended family, Lisa shared: 'Being a step-parent is like being a friend. John's kids have two brilliant parents. My daughter has two parents, and that's the point.'
The couple wed at the swanky Aynhoe Park in Banbury in October 2019 with a whole host of famous faces on the guest list, including Amanda Holden and Tamzin Outhwaite.
Read the full interview in Good Housekeeping’s October issue on sale now
John & Lisa’s Kitchen (Quadrille) is out 12 September. John & Lisa’s Weekend Kitchen airs from Saturday 21 September at 11.40am on ITV1 and ITVX.
